MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

Thank you everybody, thank you, all of you at Time Magazine who made this award possible, and who bestowed upon me this incredible recognition and honor. To put it succinctly, you "couldn't have picked a better guy."
Having said that, I'd like to thank everybody out there who put me where I am today: all my grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles - Those mind-numbing Italian feasts gave me the metabolic equivalent of a perfect storm; John Kerry, for showing me all of those hip football ref signals (remind me to show everybody what those were again); Howard Dean, for personalizing the concept of the 'primal scream'; Cynthia McKinney, for kindly pushing that horrible racist security guard aside and showing HERSELF the door; John Cole, for showing me how to fool the normally fool-proof lie detector of the American blogosphere (sure, Andrew Sullivan was the first, but he tended to lean that way); Jimmah for going wherever the heck he goes, and keeping us busy with his diplomatic miscues; Al Gore, for inventing the Internet and paving the way for this prestigious award; and finally, my Mom, who always looked out for number one!

By the way, I hope you have the time for the other 6 billion or so acceptance speeches in the wings, Time.